LOVE,
MARRIAGE & DIVORCE
By Pastor Max Solbrekken, D.D.
Max & Donna were married on Oct. 8, 1955. By the grace of God, they will be celebrating their 64th Wedding Anniversary on October 8, 2019. This article was carried by the Cry of His Coming Magazine, 1981. Max Solbrekken's book, 'The Sanctity of Marriage' was published in 1969 and 'Helpful Hints for a Successful Marriage' in the 1970s. His new Book to be released soon will be a compilation of all the above, including 'Christian Marriage: One Man and One Woman'!
“But
from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to
his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no
more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.”
- Jesus Christ. (Mark 10:6-9)
- Jesus Christ. (Mark 10:6-9)
WHAT
GOD HATH JOINED TOGETHER!
It
is a serious thing to break the commandments of God. The Scripture
tells us that “The carnal mind is enmity against God”. (Rom. 8:7)
“Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that friendship with the world is enmity with God! whosoever
therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God”.
(James 4:4)
St. Paul
warned the Christian Church to clean up their act and be sanctified
because they were starting to act once more like the Gentiles
(heathen) they once were. They had accepted the Gospel message but
their lives were still undisciplined and impure just like the pagan.
In fact the
great Apostle said, “It is a shame to even speak of those things
which are done of them in secret”. (Eph. 5:12) He warned, “Because
of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of
disobedience. Be not ye therefore partakers with them”. (Eph.
5:6-7)
Because
of which things? “But fornication and all uncleanness, or
covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not
convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
"For this ye know, that no
whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an
idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”
(Eph. 5:3-5)
St. Paul
states emphatically, “Be not ye therefore partakers with them. And
have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather
reprove them”. (Eph. 5:7, 11)
FOR
WHICH THINGS SAKE?
In his
letter to the church of Colosse, St. Paul continued on the same line
admonishing and warning, “Mortify therefore your members which are
upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil
concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
"For which
things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of
disobedience: In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived
in them”. (Col. 3:5-7)
The pagan
lived in debauchery and sin, but the clear-cut message of the
epistles and writers of the New Testament was to straighten up and
remove oneself from this cesspool of carnality. Since we are saved
we do not live as the Gentiles who know not God!
Even today
- take the pagan religions for example and the way they treat their
women - like the mud on their feet! Only Christianity has lifted the
women out of a place of inferiority in this world and given them a
place of dignity and honour among men.
CHRISTIANITY
RESPECTS THE WIVES!
St. Paul
makes it very plain that in the Christian way of life we must treat
our wives properly. “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also
loved the church, and gave Himself for it: That He might sanctify
and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
“That
He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or
wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without
blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He
that loveth his wife loveth himself". (Eph. 5:25-28)
Christianity
respects the wife and makes it very plain that a man cannot have more
than one wife! Western civilization has put this principle into
effect by passing a law against polygamy. Muslim and other pagan
countries have no such law; women are abused, and often men have from
four to over twenty wives in large harems.
The
Mormon cult subscribed to this pagan practice in order to satisfy the
lustful cravings of their founder and other early leaders such as
Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.
St. Paul
wrote, “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife”.
(1 Tim. 3:3) “Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling
their children and their own houses well”. (1 Tim. 3:12)
If a man
loves his wife like himself, and if he has Christian convictions he
will treat his wife with dignity and not discard her like an empty
cigarette package after she has borne his children and helped him
build his career!
Some men
trade in their wives for a newer model just like they do with their
automobiles - the same is applicable to women to a lesser degree.
I
AM AGAINST DIVORCE, IN MOST CASES!
Jesus
said concerning divorce, “In the beginning it was not so. God made
Adam and Eve as male and female.” God made only male and female.
Perversion is man-made and the product of sin and the devil.
God
blessed them and it was only because of the hardness of their hearts
that Moses allowed them to divorce one another, which only proves
another point which I have also found to be so true:
Broken
marriages in many cases are the product of one or two hard hearts!
Hard hearts that will not communicate and will not bend at all.
Jesus was not in favor of divorce and I am certainly not in favor of
divorce, generally speaking.
There are
exceptions to the rule as Jesus clearly pointed out when He said,
“But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving
for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and
whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery”.
(Matt. 5:32)
WHY NOT HEAL THE MARRIAGE?
Even in
the case of fornication, I believe there is sufficient grace in God to
forgive and restore if there is genuine repentance on the part of the
one who is guilty. The Bible says, “Love covereth a multitude of
sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
When the
Pharisees brought an adulterous woman to Jesus they challenged His
theology and His willingness to adhere to the letter of the law, but
Jesus in His great wisdom salvaged the woman’s life and soul: He
answered them thus, “He that is without sin among you, let him
first cast a stone at her”. (John 8:7)
Then Jesus
said to the woman, “Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more”.
(John 8:11).
Just because there has been unfaithfulness in the
marriage and problems have arisen that have broken hearts and brought
the marriage to the brink of disaster, even though confidences have
been shattered, that still does not justify divorce in every case.
Why not get
God on the scene to solve and salvage as well as rejuvenate the
marriage, rather than be hard hearted and say, “Now I have my
rights; I want a divorce: my partner is guilty of adultery and as a
Christian I am entitled to a divorce”. Try a little common sense!
What happens after the divorce?
Life
isn’t going to suddenly be a bed of roses. Much better to salvage
the marriage with God’s help and some good old fashioned advice
from the preacher!
WHAT
ABOUT ANNULLMENT?
Now,
don’t read me wrong. All marriages are not solvable, and some
marriages are better off dissolved for all concerned, unfortunately,
but many that are doomed to fail can be saved if both partners are
willing to but give it an honest try with faith in God.
What
are some cases that can be annulled or dissolved legally in the light
of the Scriptures?
1.
Homosexuals, lesbians, other sexual perverts and deviates. I
have dealt with homosexuals who have been married to beautiful girls.
We have prayed together and God has saved and delivered them, and
they have received grace from God to live a normal married life.
Just
last year (1981) a man who was delivered by God’s power over 10 years ago
from the demons of homosexuality was married. He had been bound for
20 years when Jesus set him free. Thank God!
Then there
are the others however, who do not desire deliverance. They love
their perversion and have broken the hearts of normal, clean, pure
young ladies who trusted them with their love.
In such a
case, if the homosexual husband does not want deliverance I recommend
a quick divorce, because such being the case the marriage was not an
honest transaction. There is a statement that we ministers include
in our wedding ceremony - It reads like this:
"If
either of you know of any impediment why ye may not be lawfully
joined together in matrimony, ye do now confess it. For ye be well
assured, that if any persons are joined together otherwise than as
God’s word doth allow, their marriage is not lawful”.
In such a
case when a man or woman has been deceived and married to a pervert,
or an impotent, senile person, the victim should go immediately to
his or her pastor, receive counselling and guidance.
If the
case is deception and there is no change, an annulment should be
arranged, or a divorce if necessary. As I see it, there is no need
for the innocent person in such a case to agonize through years of
torment. Scripturally, there is a way out - divorce, and with no
restrictions regarding remarriage!
WHAT
ABOUT REMARRIAGE?
In the case
of a good marriage gone wrong - that’s a cow of a different color;
try to salvage the marriage. The former love can come back and you
also have something to build on; also in many cases children are
involved.
Try to
save the marriage! If you can’t, then separation or divorce are
the only recourse left. In a case like this I cannot see, according
to the Scriptures, where either party can remarry.
There are
however preachers who feel strongly that the innocent party can
remarry, quoting the words of Jesus, Except it be for fornication”
a reference not only to the right to divorce, but also the right to
remarry.
The best
would be, do not divorce. Forgive your partner and restore him or
her. And, if you must divorce, do not remarry, but seek God for His
grace and power to live a holy life and give your time to God and
your children.
There is
one more thing however, in Old Testament times when a woman was taken
in adultery she was immediately taken out and stoned to death. Men
seemed to have been exempt. Certainly in such cases there would be
no problem with remarriage, for the innocent party.
In the
same way some feel that the guilty party is spiritually dead and the
innocent party is then free to remarry. Remember however, the words
of St. Paul,
“For
the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so
long as he liveth, but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the
law of her husband, so then if while her husband liveth, she be
married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if
her husband be dead, she is free from the law; so that she is no
adulteress, though she be married to another man”. (Rom. 7:2-3)
What about those who have already messed up their
lives? You cannot unscramble scrambled eggs, and in
many cases you are unable to rectify wrongs performed in a mix-up of
marriages, divorces and remarriages.
Many
people hear our programs over the radio or see me on television and
attend our crusades; some of them from unsaved homes, and many have
messed up their lives, then they answer an old fashioned altar call
and are converted.
They
receive the Holy Spirit, are baptized and become burning witnesses
for Jesus. Oftentimes they have been married and divorced and
remarried - some two or three times! What do you do in cases like
these?
Since
the Holy Spirit has accepted them and Jesus has added them to His
body, the Church, who are we to reject them? We have no right to
turn them away since Jesus has not turned them away! We must receive
them, believing that God has in fact done a work in their lives as He
did in ours!
St. Paul
warns in his letter to the Romans, “For whom he did foreknow, he
also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that
He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
"Moreover whom he did
predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also
justified: and who he justified, them he also glorified”. (Rom.
8:29-30)
If God has
called someone and saved that person we have no right to criticize or
lay upon them a heavier burden than we could bear either, or which
Christ would ask them to bear!
Notice
the words of the Apostle, “Who shall lay anything to the charge of
God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that
condemneth?
It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again,
who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession
for us”. (Rom. 8:34-35)
If
God has justified someone, we must stand with God! The Scripture
states that God gives the Holy Ghost to those who obey Him.
Often He
fills people with the Holy Ghost, whom we wouldn’t; people who we
personally feel are not ready to receive the Holy Ghost; yet God
fills them before we have a chance to ask them to rearrange their
lives!
We
should let God do His business in the way He so desires, instead of
trying to do everything our way. “We are His witnesses of these
things; and so is also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them
that obey Him.” (Acts 5:32)
If a
marriage is failing we should try to salvage it. If a man or
woman is divorced and remarried once, twice or whatever, I believe
they should remain in the married state they are in.
I do not believe
people should try to reconcile themselves with spouses two or three
marriages before; that causes nothing but confusion, especially where
there are children involved.
If a
family accepts Christ, regardless of how many times they have been
married in the past I believe they should remain as they are and not
disturb the children, but bring up the family to serve God and live
for Jesus as a unit.
If people are taught that they should go back
to their first husband or wife in many cases it is not possible, and
even if it was, it would involve the breakup of possibly one, two or
more families, which would cause more trouble than you are trying to
rectify.
The
break-up of a home is no more right in a case like this than any
other case. We cannot sacrifice the lives of precious children to
the whims of some stubborn, pharisaical, senile old preacher who sits
cloistered behind the stained glass windows of his church, or in a
monastery somewhere!
When you
get into the mainstream of life and begin to reach souls, lives and
families for Christ you see the common sense of the Holy Scriptures
as they are applied to real life situations!
St. Paul
said, “But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath
called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become
uncircumcised.
"Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be
circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the
commandments of God. Let every man abide in the same calling wherein
he was called”. (1 Cor. 7:17-20)
MARRIAGE,
DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE
Marriage,
divorce and remarriage is a most complex subject and I believe there
has been given unto us a bit of leeway in giving direction to people
in awkward positions, since St. Paul uses his own philosophy and
expounds his own views a number of times. i.e.: “But I speak this
by permission, and not of commandment.” (1 Cor. 7:6)
“But
to the rest speak I, not the Lord.” (1 Cor. 7:12) “But she is
happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I
have the Spirit of God.” (1 Cor. 7:40)
On very important issues
however, St. Paul made it clear that he had a definite commandment
from the Lord! “And unto the married I command, Yet not I, but the
Lord.” (1 Cor. 7:10)
Very
definitely, when a Christian is married he cannot do as he pleases!
He has certain responsibilities which he cannot dodge.
“Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife”. (1 Cor. 7:11) If you will notice Paul says this is a command from the Lord! (vs. 10)
“Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife”. (1 Cor. 7:11) If you will notice Paul says this is a command from the Lord! (vs. 10)
SUMMARY,
AS I SEE IT!
No. 1
- God is against Divorce! It is not God’s perfect will. Only
one ground for divorce - adultery or fornication - even then it is
better to reconcile, forgive and forget in order to save the marriage
and the home.
No. 2 -
If you are married to an unsaved person you must stay with them if
they want you! (unless of course they are beating you or
threatening to kill you, or unfaithful to the extent of bringing
social diseases upon you; disrupting the children’s mental health;
homosexual, extreme alcoholics, extreme mental illness)
Every
case must be judged on its own merits or lack of merits. Love your
partner and lead him or her to the Lord.
No. 3 -
If you leave your husband or wife for any reason other than adultery
or fornication (I unequivocally add perversion, like sodomy,
lesbianism and homosexuality) you are unable to remarry.
No. 4 -
Some theologians teach that the innocent party in a divorce can
remarry. The reason they hold to this view: In the Old Testament
the innocent party was free to marry, as the adulteress was stoned to
death. In this case the adulteress or adulterer, not wanting to
repent, would be in a backslidden or sinful state, dead in Trespasses
and sins!
No. 5 -
If you find yourself married to a pervert, lesbian or
sodomite, you are in my opinion, free to divorce and remarry. (unless
they want to be set free from demons and become a child of God)
This is
also the case if someone is sexually malformed with an impediment
that he or she held from each other before marriage, thereby
nullifying the marriage. (severe mental illness and schizophrenia
could also be included in this list, as well as bigamists,
necromancers and perverts)
Anyone
who has been misled or deceived in these areas has a right to ask for
annulment, since the marriage contract was made under false
pretenses.
No. 6 -
Hasty marriages are very foolish and spending time together with your
intended as well as his or her family for a longer period of time in
discussion and fellowship would solve most of the problems found in
paragraph No. 5.
Have your
parents and friends meet your fiancee; also make sure your pastor
gets to know him or her and takes time for proper counselling before
marriage.
Marriage
is too important, vital and long to rush into without doing a proper
check. Even in breeding purebred horses or cattle we check out the
pedigree. We can do no less with the future of ourselves and our
children.
No. 7 -
If you are contemplating divorce or remarriage, consider very
seriously the Scriptures, as well as the words of warning,
admonition and advice in this book. Always remember your testimony
for Christ, the state of your children, as well as your future.
No. 8 -
If you are mixed up, divorced, remarried, or living common-law, come
to Christ and let Him work things out for you.
Serve
Christ and bring your family up to live for Jesus. If you are living
common-law you must stop doing it. If there are no children involved
between you, separate and go back to your husband of wife is
possible. Common law living is adultery and sin.
If you
have children between the two of you and you cannot go back to your
former spouse, get the necessary divorce and get married to one
another right away - then go to church and refrain from living a
sinful life. Accept Christ and train your children in the ways of
God.
You cannot
live your life over again, but you can change and live it differently
from today on! You cannot pick up spilled milk or unscramble scrambled
eggs, but you can take a stand for Christ now and bring your family
to Sunday School and Church, and leave the past under the Blood of
Jesus.
The
Bible says, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, He is a new
creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become
new”. (2 Cor. 5:17)
Again
the Scriptures say, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that
heareth My word, and believeth on Him that sent Me, hath everlasting
life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death
unto life”. (John 5:24)
Above all
let us teach our young people that marriage is holy and for keeps -
divorce is a result of the hardness of people’s hearts and
remarriage is certainly not a bed or roses!
Get things straightened
out in your spiritual life; seek God for guidance and be filled with
the Holy Spirit. If you obey the lusts of the flesh you will die
spiritually, but if you follow the Spirit of God you will live.
Remember
God’s Word states, “That which God hath joined together let not
man put asunder”. (Matt. 19:6) When you say, “I do”, let it be a
sincere, convincing, decisive answer with a ring of sincerity and
truth to it. Let it truly be “until death do us part!” Amen.
